We are all going to die

Reading the news ONLINE this morning something catches my eye:

Warning as tick diseases on rise

OMG tick disease? Ewwww.

The public has been warned to take extra precautions against ticks as the warm weather heralds a peak in numbers of the blood-sucking parasites.

I caught head lice when I was eight. It was horrific. Fucking monsters drinking my blood and itching up my head. It put me off parasites for life. I don't want anything more to do with them.

Then I read:
They are common in woodland, heath land and in particular areas in Scotland where deer graze.
Well that's alright then. I don't spend much time in heath land so I am probably not at risk.
More recently they have also been found in urban parks.
Oh God. Not urban parks! I go to those all the time!

So, apparently they pass on Lyme Disease. Didn't Ms Hoover have that in The Simpsons? What is Lyme Disease?
Lyme disease varies widely but can include a rash and flu-like symptoms in its initial stage, followed by the possibility of musculoskeletal, arthritic, neurological, psychiatric and cardiac problems.

Fuck. That's pretty heavy.
Now I am terrified. Of course- I will get this Lyme Disease. I probably already have it. Shit shit shit. They say that it is severely debilitating and can be fatal. SHIT. What have I done to deserve this?
And how rubbish is that- to be killed by a tiny little insect? What a pathetic way to die. I'd rather be burnt at the stake or shot in a gang war.

For everyone else who is as paranoid as me, here's the Bite Prevention Guide:

Wear trousers tucked into socks
Use insect repellent
Check yourself thoroughly
Check warm folds of the skin
Carefully remove with tweezers
Never burn off
Do not try to drown in Vaseline
Be aware of favoured habitats

Do not try to drown in Vaseline? That's pretty strange. But it's lucky that they told me this as it's probably the first thing I'd think of doing. Before setting myself alight.

So, I've done my bit. Tell all your friends about the dangers of ticks.