Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Back

So.

Coming up to a year since I last posted anything. Huh.

Hard to get started again. Feels all awkward.

Anyway, since I am so awesome at them, here’s a book review.


Wetlands- Charlotte Roche

So, everyone must have heard of this book by now and everyone must know that it is supposed to be totally disgusting and stuff. And it is disgusting, exclusively. There is nothing else to it.
I am not a big fan of the word ‘feminist’. I especially do not like being called one by silly twenty-year-old boys who think that any girl who doesn’t agree with and/or giggle at everything they say is ‘a feminist’. Having any opinions at all if you are a female makes you a feminist. Apparently.
I suppose I’ve become a bit more interested in feminist issues lately, though, like cosmetic surgery and dieting and all that jazz. And also, to an extent (I am not going crazy over this or anything), feminine hygiene and women shaving all the hair off their bodies.
I’ve got issues with shaving because I think it is all about sexualizing children and that. The more I think about it, the more disturbing it is- how women try to make themselves look younger and younger and younger. Maybe I’ll write about that another day. But I probably won’t.

ANYWAYS.

I read a review of Wetlands in The Guardian a while ago and promptly ordered it from Amazon. How could I not? As an aspiring writer and a young woman I felt like I HAD to read it. And I am sort of glad that I did, because now I can tell everyone that it is rubbish. And I love telling people that things are rubbish.

It is pretty explicit throughout. Not just sexually, it is disgusting in general. A few times when I was reading it on the tube I am sure that I said “errrrrr” out loud. I read a bit to my boyfriend. He started off mildly intrigued but after a page was crying “stop it, stop reading, stop it!”.
I’ve read controversial for the sake of it books before and was never very impressed. That’s why I’ve given up on Chuck Palaniuk- he used to be so brilliant but then became all about the shock value (Apparently people were vomiting/fainting at the reading of his short story Guts, like they were at Wetlands but in my opinion Guts is far, far worse).

My main problem with Wetlands is this- it’s just not very well written. I am pretty sure that I could have written it and that is never sign of a good book. Of course, there’s the chance that stuff was lost in translation but I doubt it.

Reading it, you can almost hear Charlotte Roche going “hmm I’ve run out of bodily fluids to write about… oh, snot! Yes!”
And:
“What could she stick up her vage now? The handle of a razor! Yes!”

From what I can tell, reading interviews and that, Charlotte Roche thinks that women will be more shocked by the book than men. I am sorry to disappoint her. Sure, it was often gross but nothing special. It won’t stay with me, the way Helen Walsh’s Brass or Chuck Palaniuk’s Choke has. Maybe some women would be shocked, women who haven’t read anything like it before or ever considered their own bodies.

I’d heard that the book has a lot of feminist ideas and it kind of almost does but then contradicts them. I can’t be bothered to go into this much further. I’ll be out of my depth.

All in all, I think that it is a pretty anti-feminist novel. Charlotte Roche boasts about men being turned on by it, and I get the feeling that she wrote it for men. Like, to impress them or something. There is little there that would appeal to most women. But it’s not even porn. It is just disgusting. And badly written. With annoying characters that nobody could relate to because they are so false. And a stupid plot. And no heart. Just loads of shit and smegma.

3/10.


In other news:

-Despite my 'interest in feminist issues like cosmetic surgery and dieting' I am doing WeightWatchers. It is pretty uncool of me. I have become a point counting bore. But losing eight pounds in two weeks? WINNER, I WIN, WHAT WAS I THINKING LIVING LIKE THAT FOR SO MANY YEARS? THAT WAS NO LIFE! I AM ON MY WAY TO TRUE HAPPINESS, FINALLY!!! WHEN I AM THINNER PEOPLE WILL LIKE ME MORE AND I WILL BE MORE SUCCESSFUL IN EVERY WAY! HURRAH! Srsly- I am aware of how shit I am being and that I have broken all my rules but... whatever.

-It is my year anniversary with my boyfriend on Friday. It is very exciting. I am throwing myself into planning it. Because, like, I've never, you know, like, liked anyone as much as I like him and I'm really happy and stuff. And also I am pretty bored and it is something to do.