A funny thing happened on the way to the Jobcentre!

A partly fictional but mostly completely true story.

So, I was walking down the street today.

I walking down the street listening to Alien Ant Farm, wearing my huge hoodie, Japanese t-shirt and mega hip 5 years ago trainers with multicoloured laces. I'd just bought 'The Wasp Factory' (which I expect to be a laugh riot) and 'Hardboiled Wonderland and The End of the World' from Oxfam (my local Oxfam always has a brilliant selection of books, and for cheap too). I was high fiving and head-banging my way down the high street. Rocking it, quite frankly.

When all of a sudden!!!

Something happened!!!

A police car pulled up beside me and some police men got out of it. One of them wrestled me to the ground while the other kicked me in the face repeatedly. "What seems to be the problem, officers?" I asked. "We have reason to believe you are carrying crack cocaine on your person" Officer Wrestle replied. Officer Kicker kicked me some more.
"You must be mistaken" I cried, choking on my own blood (and teeth) "You have me confused with someone else, that man over there perhaps, he looks a bit foreign and therefore guilty".
"No, we are not mistaken" replied Officer Wrestle "You are certainly the guilty one". Officer Kicker bent down and licked my bloody face. "You certainly taste guilty" he sneered.
"I don't know anything about any crack cocaine" I sobbed "I've never even heard of it, what is it?"
"Eisor Smada, you have the right to remain silent but anything you do say etc etc" he said as he pulled me off the ground.
"No! Don't put me in that car! I am innocent, innocent God damn it!"
"No one's putting anyone in any car just yet" said Officer Kicker. "First we'll strip search you"
They proceeded to strip search me in the middle of the high street, outside Clinton Cards. When they realised I actually didn't have any crack cocaine they got a bit red faced and shuffly. "Well, sorry about that Miss Smada" Said Office Wrestle "You are free to go".
"I must admit I am a little vexed by this whole charade" I said, putting my clothes back on, moodily.
"I feel really bad about this mix up" said Office Kicker. "Look, let me give you my police badge. Think of it as a peace offering".
"For real? To keep? Wow! You guys are the best!" I said, flashing them a black, gappy smile.
They waved goodbye and got back in the car.

Feeling a little dizzy, I carried down the road, whistling the theme to the Italian Job. I didn't notice the screams of "Oh dear God!" and "Mommy, what happened to that lady's face?". Because I had just got myself a genuine police badge.

Did you notice the bit of fiction I threw in? It was pretty obvious. Yeah, like I'd be caught dead listening to Alien Ant Farm!

Oh, I do have a larf with myself. And only myself.