No, No, No

Manchester has rejected me. Oh, the pain.
On the up side, Manchester is a shit hole. I used to live there. It just rains all the time and everyone is miserable. I don't want to live there again. I am GLAD they rejected me without even an interview. Yeah, they've done me a favour for sure.
Owch, owch it hurts! How could you do this to me Sara Delaney, Admissions Manager?

Let's keep our hopes up for:
East Anglia
Royal Holloway
Westminster
Northumbria

Send out positive thoughts for me, please.

A funny thing happened on the way to the Jobcentre!

A partly fictional but mostly completely true story.

So, I was walking down the street today.

I walking down the street listening to Alien Ant Farm, wearing my huge hoodie, Japanese t-shirt and mega hip 5 years ago trainers with multicoloured laces. I'd just bought 'The Wasp Factory' (which I expect to be a laugh riot) and 'Hardboiled Wonderland and The End of the World' from Oxfam (my local Oxfam always has a brilliant selection of books, and for cheap too). I was high fiving and head-banging my way down the high street. Rocking it, quite frankly.

When all of a sudden!!!

Something happened!!!

A police car pulled up beside me and some police men got out of it. One of them wrestled me to the ground while the other kicked me in the face repeatedly. "What seems to be the problem, officers?" I asked. "We have reason to believe you are carrying crack cocaine on your person" Officer Wrestle replied. Officer Kicker kicked me some more.
"You must be mistaken" I cried, choking on my own blood (and teeth) "You have me confused with someone else, that man over there perhaps, he looks a bit foreign and therefore guilty".
"No, we are not mistaken" replied Officer Wrestle "You are certainly the guilty one". Officer Kicker bent down and licked my bloody face. "You certainly taste guilty" he sneered.
"I don't know anything about any crack cocaine" I sobbed "I've never even heard of it, what is it?"
"Eisor Smada, you have the right to remain silent but anything you do say etc etc" he said as he pulled me off the ground.
"No! Don't put me in that car! I am innocent, innocent God damn it!"
"No one's putting anyone in any car just yet" said Officer Kicker. "First we'll strip search you"
They proceeded to strip search me in the middle of the high street, outside Clinton Cards. When they realised I actually didn't have any crack cocaine they got a bit red faced and shuffly. "Well, sorry about that Miss Smada" Said Office Wrestle "You are free to go".
"I must admit I am a little vexed by this whole charade" I said, putting my clothes back on, moodily.
"I feel really bad about this mix up" said Office Kicker. "Look, let me give you my police badge. Think of it as a peace offering".
"For real? To keep? Wow! You guys are the best!" I said, flashing them a black, gappy smile.
They waved goodbye and got back in the car.

Feeling a little dizzy, I carried down the road, whistling the theme to the Italian Job. I didn't notice the screams of "Oh dear God!" and "Mommy, what happened to that lady's face?". Because I had just got myself a genuine police badge.

Did you notice the bit of fiction I threw in? It was pretty obvious. Yeah, like I'd be caught dead listening to Alien Ant Farm!

Oh, I do have a larf with myself. And only myself.

Snow Day

My phone rings at 7am, waking me from a quality dream.
"Look outside" you whisper
"What? Who? What time is it? Go back to bed"
"Look outside"
I get out of bed and stagger to the window, phone in hand



"It's snowing" I say
"Would you like to come to the park and play in the snow with me?" you ask
"Yes please" I reply

I dress quickly and brush my teeth. I dig out a pair of gloves and a scarf from the cupboard and leave the house.
It's about an hour before sunrise. Everything looks blue, clean, alien. The sound of my shoes against the ground brings back memories from my childhood, back when it used to snow every winter and we'd spend days off school sledging down hills and stuffing snowballs down each-other's coats. I love snow.

I assume that the tubes won't be running so I take the bus. The commuters are grumbling, the "fucking snow" has made them late. These people have forgotten what really matters. I bounce up and down in my seat and strain to see out of the steamed up windows.
We roll down the high street past boarded up buildings, smashed up telephone boxes, Poundland. Usually a soul-crushingly ugly and dead place, the high street is now alive, beautiful, magic. I wipe tears from my eyes and dial your number. You pick up after one ring.
"I'm on the bus, almost there" I say "where shall I meet you?"
"Don't worry about that, I'll find you"
"No, come on, where?"
You hang up.

We come to my stop and I wave goodbye to all the passengers. Only an old drunk waves back. I jump off and walk through the park gates.

The park is empty apart from a few dog walkers. I can't see you anywhere. I sit down on a bench and wait.
A snowball hurtles past me, smashing against the bench. I stand up and turn around. The next one hits me square in the face.
I duck, narrowly escaping another blow to the head. I hear you running up behind me. I swivel round and you jump on top of me knocking me to the floor. Your cheeks are pink and your eyes wild. I haven't seen you in weeks.
"Hello" I say
"Did I surprise you?"
"No"
"Yes I did"
"Okay, yes you did"
"Close your eyes"
I close my eyes. You put your face right up close to mine, so that the tips of our noses are touching. I can smell your mouthwash. I am expecting you to kiss me but instead you shove snow down the front of my jumper. It's colder than anything. I open my eyes and grab a handful of snow. You run off, laughing and I chase after you.


"Everything looks so much nicer with snow on it, don't you think?" I say, lying next to you on the ground, soaking wet and shivering
"It will all be gone soon"
"You thought that all would last forever
But like the weather
Nothing can ever stay gold"
"That's the theme to 'The Outsiders'"
"I know"
You lean over and kiss me on the forehead. I find your hand and hold it.
"Let's move to Greenland"
"Okay, when?"
"When all the snow has melted"
"Okay"
"As soon as it's all gone we'll go"
"Okay"
"We'll jump on a plane and be there in no time. We'll buy a little house in the woods with shutters on the windows and a stable door. We'll get a husky dog and a goldfish. And we'll spend every day playing in the snow. Every day will be a perfect one, like today"
"Okay. Let's stay right here and wait for the snow to melt so we can go"
"Okay"

And we wait.