How Come Stuff Like This Never Happens to Anyone Else?

Get this:

So, on Sunday I bit the inside of my lip when I was eating some bread. It hurt but I didn't draw blood or anything. So I forgot about it.
Monday night I got home and happened to look in the mirror. I saw a mark just under my lip- a purple mark. I was like "WTF?"
I said to my dad "WTF is this?" and he was like "Oh, you must've burst a blood vessel" and I was like "!!!"
So I showed it to everyone the next day and they were like "OMG Eisor WTF is that?" and I was like "Burst my blood vessel up innit" and they were like "Oh my days".
So that night when I got home I looked in the mirror again and the mark had DOUBLED in size. You can imagine what I was like.
So today I did not leave the house. Because you know what it looks like? It looks like a lovebite. A lovebite on my face. And that is so not cool. I have a very classy image to uphold! What a blow.


I am currently reading 'A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius' by Dave Eggers and it is well good.

Also: How unfair is this? What exactly has he done to get on the Sex Offenders Register? Who is he harming? What a world. Hahaha.